Count Bleck's Trauma
by ShiverIntheLight
Summary: When Count Bleck does the unthinkable chaos happens! What is this unthinkable? Why it's unthinkable my dear readers!. Read on if you please to figure it out!


Count Bleck's Trauma

**Disclaimer: I don't own these precious villains of Super Paper Mario. They are owned by Nintendo and Intelligent Systems.**

* * *

Count Bleck scanned the Dark Prognosticus, his eyes feverishly scanning over every word; he even reread sentences he already read at least four times. The Dark Prognostics was almost like his life's story and Count Bleck never let any of his loyal minions forget that.

However one quote irked him, it somehow made him so frustrated, 'With the power of two the Chaos Heart shall disintegrate and all worlds will be made anew.'

"This quote, pauses Count Bleck, is very irritating. Count Bleck cannot figure this one out," Count Bleck said to himself as he reread the quote again for the umpteenth time.

"With the power of two the Chaos Heart shall...you know what, forget this! Count Bleck yells." Count Bleck suddenly took the Dark Prognosticus into his hands and, with a huff, threw it out the window. There was a strange sucking zooming sound, then nothing, but Count Bleck didn't care.

"Um, Count? Why did you scream? I was just dozing off and you yelled," Nastasia asked as she came into the room, just putting her red-rimmed glasses on, her eyes droopy.

"A quote in the Dark Prognosticus annoyed Count Bleck so Count Bleck threw the book out the window, Count Bleck answers," Count Bleck replied, then Nastasia's eyes bulged out in shock.

"You did WHAT?!" Nastasia exclaimed and Count Bleck flinched at the raw power in her voice.

"You basically tossed out the Dark Prognosticus, the very book that you base all your plans off of. The very book that is your life," Nastasia continued and Count Bleck nodded.

"That is truth, Count Bleck is glad you remember that the Dark Prognosticus is Count Bleck's life. Without it Count Bleck cannot do any of his plans…" suddenly Count Bleck realized what he had just done and screamed at the top of his lungs.

"NOOOO! Screams Count Bleck. MY LIFE WAS JUST THROWN OUT THE WINDOW!"

"Oh my Grambi Count Bleck, can you be any louder?!" a voice exclaimed and Mimi came into the room, complete with her starry pajamas, her sleepy eyes full of rage. "I think my eardrums have finally pronounced themselves deafened."

"Urgh! What's all tah yellin' 'bout? A man can't get decent sleep 'round 'ere anymore," O'Chunks groaned and rubbed his eyes as he asked the question, entering Count Bleck's room as well, his beard all askew.

"The Dark Prognosticus, Count Bleck just threw it out the window. What purpose does Count Bleck's life have now?" Count Bleck groaned and he pulled his white top hat down to cover his face while he collapsed to a heap on the floor.

"Dear Count, didn't you say that your life had no purpose the first time you acquired the Dark Prognosticus? I mean, Dear Count, how startlingly horrific! The Dark Prognosticus, gone?" Dimentio teleported into the room, his jester hat all mussed from sleep.

"Um…yeah…" Nastasia trailed off with a yawn.

"You guys must help Count Bleck find it, Count Bleck begs for the first time. You must!" Count Bleck got up off the floor and looked at his loyal minions.

"You know what I must find? My missing sleep. That stupid book can wait till the morning, right?" Mimi asked and Count Bleck gasped as if the very thought offended him.

"The Dark Prognosticus is not a 'stupid' book! Count Bleck defends. It's Count Bleck's life!"

"Yeah…we know boss, yah told us 'bout a hundred times now," O'Chunks replied, rolling his eyes.

"Ugh, my head hurts…Count Bleck did you really have to scream so loud?" Mr. L asked as he staggered into Count Bleck's room, holding his head in his hands, massaging his temples.

"My loyal minions. Help Count Bleck find the Dark Prognosticus before Count Bleck falls into a state of depression!" Count Bleck beseeched and O'Chunks, Nastasia, Mimi, Mr. L, and Dimentio looked at each other.

"Then will you let us sleep?" Mimi asked, hands on her hips.

"Yes, now go and find my life. Count Bleck be waiting here for when you get it," Count Bleck ordered, then Mimi, O'Chunks, Nastasia, Mr. L, and Dimentio sighed and left the room.

"This stinks, I'd rather just go to bed. That dumb Dark Prophecy book or whatever it is called isn't that important," Mimi muttered with a yawn.

"The dumb book is called the Dark Prognosticus, my dear," Dimentio corrected her with a smirk and Mimi shook her head, exasperated.

"Also known as Count Bleck's life…" Mr. L snorted to himself and rubbed his temples again.

"What I don' understand is why Count Bleck can't go find that there book hisself," O'Chunks wondered, a yawn coming from him.

"Look we have to get the book back, k? 'Cause if we don't then Count Bleck can't make any other plans to divert the heroes," Nastasia said and Mimi let lose an angry groan.

"Me thinks that checkin' 'round teh castle grounds outside may be a good place teh start," O'Chunks suggested.

"Brilliant idea my usually dim-witted comrade. Perhaps that would be possible if we weren't surrounded by the Void." Dimentio replied and O'Chunks stomped a foot thrice in frustration.

"I knew that! I was just plannin' what we could do," O'Chunks growled and Dimentio chuckled with contempt.

"Why, what idea do 'you' have in mind, crowd pleaser?" Mr. L asked the Master of Dimensions scathingly and Dimentio drew himself upward.

"My idea," the jester paused mid-sentence to add drama. "My idea is perfect, one that requires cooperation to do."

"Well spill it, what is the plan? My beauty rest is dying to be acknowledged and answered to," Mimi asked; she was exasperated and cranky.

"All I need is your willingness to do it, a stack of old yellowed paper, and a blank purple evil-looking book cover," Dimentio replied with a sly grin on his face.

* * *

*One hour later*

Count Bleck looked down from the window for the ninetieth time and saw nothing but the purple roiling darkness of the Void.

"Why? Why did I do something so terrible as this? Count Bleck painfully asks," Count Bleck moaned and laid down on his bed, covering his face with his hands.

"Why did that quote have to irk Count Bleck so much?" the count asked aloud as he fixed his monocle. Then a knock sounded at his door.

"Ah yes, come in, beckons Count Bleck," Count Bleck urgently called and Dimentio floated in, looking quite pleased, an amused glint in his mismatched eyes.

"Have you…found the Dark Prognosticus?" Count Bleck asked, hearing a hopeful tone in his voice.

"Yes, my count. The Dark Prognosticus was found thankfully inside the castle on the bottom floor," Dimentio replied and Count Bleck's red eyes began to shine.

"Yes! Hand it here quickly! Count Bleck demands!" Count Bleck held out a hand for the book. Dimentio spread his arms wide and the Dark Prognosticus appeared into the Count's possession.

"Ah, my beautiful book! Back into Count Bleck's possession at last, Count Bleck breathes a sigh of relief," Count Bleck said, then Dimentio left Count Bleck's room and went into the hallway to where Mimi, O'Chunks, Nastasia, and Mr. L were waiting for him.

"Did yeh give it teh 'im?" O'Chunks asked, a wide grin on his wide face, and Dimentio nodded.

"The 'fairly preposterously made' Dark Prognosticus has been handed to Count Bleck a few sweet moments ago," Dimentio smirked and chuckled. "He'll know the truth in a few moments, like a child seeing an unwanted bug in his lunchbag."

"I hope not! I spent my whole concentration and focus on rewriting those dumb quotes Count Bleck always says out loud," Mimi protested, her hands placed on her hips.

"Yeah…well Mimi you shouldn't have put them all on the first three pages." Nastasia pointed out, then Mimi growled to herself under her breath.

"As if that will make a difference!" Mimi retorted, her eyes glaring at Nastasia.

"'Ey! That be enough Mimi! My head is hurtin'!" O'Chunks complained, then Dimentio shushed them, putting a finger over his lips, an anticipated smile on his face. It appeared as though he was silently counting down inside his head.

"WROOOOARRR! WHAT IS THIS FOOLERY!?, exclaims Count Bleck!" Count Bleck yelled, then Dimentio, Mimi, Mr. L, and O'Chunks began to laugh hysterically. Mimi fell to the floor, her legs kicking in the air as she gripped her stomach, laughing with glee.

"Why? What ever could be the matter, dear count?" Dimentio called out as he and Nastasia decided to go into Count Bleck's room. They opened the door to see a steamed Count Bleck fuming as he turned around and looked at them.

"This book! There's all hearts and horrible handwriting in Count Bleck's dear Dark Prognosticus!" Count Bleck growled, then as he held up the 'Dark Prognosticus" and shook it at Dimentio and Nastasia it ripped apart, the pages collapsing to the floor, all hearts and quotes scribbled on them. Count Bleck's eyes bugged out at this and Dimentio lost it; he began to cackle and laugh loudly.

"Count Bleck, Um…an FYI for you? I found out that the 'real' Dark Prognosticus has fallen into Sammer's Kingdom while this idiot and the others were making that fake book," Nastasia said, then Dimentio quelled his laughter and coughed back another snort.

"Why didn't you tell me the first time? Count Bleck asks angrily," Count Bleck inquired after regaining his composure and Nastasia fixed her glasses before replying, "I was too busy researching if that fact was true."

"Ugh…right. Count Bleck will be right back," Count Bleck said before flipping out of the room. Now Nastasia and Dimentio began to laugh together and Mimi, O'Chunks, and Mr. L came into the room as well.

"Did 'e fall fer it again?" O'Chunks asked and Dimentio laughed before replying, "Yes, he is on his way to Sammer's Kingdom posthaste."

"Oh my Grambi! Wait till he finds out!" Mimi giggled, then Mr. L chuckled in a mockingly evil way.

"Why don't we go spy on our dear beloved count right now?" Dimentio suggested and everyone agreed before leaving the room to teleport to Sammer's Kingdom.

* * *

Count Bleck grumbled as he flipped into Sammer's Kingdom and fixed his monocle yet again before floating over to a bush, seeing a dark purple object stuck inside it.

"Yes! Finally! The true Dark Prognosticus is in my grasp, cheers Count Bleck," Count Bleck sighed before picking up the book and hugging it close to him.

"Count Bleck will never throw you out the window again, Count Bleck promises," Count Bleck whispered to the Dark Prognosticus, then an *ahem* made his head jerk up in surprise. One of Sammer's guards was watching him with the strangest look on his face and Count Bleck suddenly felt embarrassed.

"Uh please excuse Count Bleck," Count Bleck stammered, then he flipped out of the kingdom.

Once Count Bleck returned to his room he saw Mimi, O'Chunks, Nastasia, Dimentio, and Mr. L all there. Even worse was the fact that they were laughing at him.

"What? What is so funny?, demands Count Bleck," Count Bleck asked and Nastasia wiped a tear of laughter out of her eye before bursting into a fit of laughter again.

That's when the 'real' Dark Prognosticus in Count Bleck's hands disappeared and Count Bleck's mouth opened in shock at this, making his minions laugh even harder as he looked at his gloved hands.

"Tricked again my dear count, no? So very gullible and blue you are," Dimentio chuckled and Count Bleck blinked rapidly, still not comprehending what had just happened. Then he collapsed to the floor and began to moan in shame.

"Count Bleck…tricked by his minions!" Count Bleck groaned, an aghast, disbelieving tone in his voice.

"You silly stupid-head. Why couldn't you get the memo the first time?" Mimi asked with a smirk. Count Bleck refused to respond for he was in so much shock.

"Well Count we've all had our fun, here's your 'life' back," Mr. L said, then he placed the real Dark Prognosticus on the floor next to the distraught count before they all trailed out of the room, leaving Count Bleck alone.

"How could Count Bleck have not realized they were being deceiving the whole time? The humiliation!" Count Bleck pushed his white top hat over his eyes to hide them miserably as Nastasia closed the door behind her.

"Thanks Dimmy! For once you made being rudely awoken much more tolerable," Mimi said and Dimentio did a mock bow to her.

"Anything to treat the misses, dear Mimi," Dimentio replied with another chuckle.

"K, now let's go to bed, shall we? The fun's over now," Nastasia suggested and everyone agreed before splitting up and going into their rooms.

* * *

*The Next Day*

"So Mario we have to find the next Heart Pillar. Let's go," Tippi said and Mario nodded before going on his way. As they passed by Merlon's house Mario had the sudden urge to go to Howzit's store.

"Mario…we don't have time to buy anything, the void grows bigger in the more time that is wasted." Tippi pointed out. But Mario ignored her and bought his fifth Shroom Shake the second he entered the store.

Very gooooooooood! That raises you up to seventy-eight shop points," Howzit drawled, and Mario bought a Fire Burst as well.

"Ugh…you are impossible sometimes," Tippi huffed, then a rumble sounded outside. Fearing the worst, the rainbow colored butterfly Pixl left Howzit's shop and looked to where the void is. Then she watched as the void grew, no not bigger, but smaller.

"You know what, Mario can take all the time he wants…" Tippi trailed off then she waited for Mario to finish buying items.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Count Bleck… Hope you liked this! :D For some reason I've been writing a lot of Super Paper Mario fanfics. Oh well, the more the merrier, right? XD Review and tell me whether or not you'd like more Humor fics from the SPM universe in the future. Ciao! :D**


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